Theophany: The Divine Presence in our Lives

Today, we stand in a world where God’s presence often feels distant—not because He has left, but because we have pushed Him to the fringes of our lives. In Scripture, God revealed Himself through divine manifestations known as theophanies, which are dramatic displays of His holiness, power, and presence. These theophanies demanded reverence from those who witnessed them. But today, as Christians, we often forget that we are walking theophanies—carrying God within us through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Despite this profound truth, many of us fail to live in reverence of that reality. This sermon will explore the theophanies of Scripture, our identity as bearers of God’s presence, and the reverence God deserves but often does not receive in today’s church.

Defining Theophany:

The word theophany is derived from the Greek terms theos (God) and phaino (to appear), denoting the visible and tangible appearance of God to humans. Theophanies in Scripture are not mere symbolic events or visions but are moments when God reveals His physical presence in a dramatic and real way. These encounters are awe-inspiring, often accompanied by natural phenomena like fire, clouds, thunder, or lightning, and they invoke reverence, fear, and worship.

John Gill explains that in a theophany, God makes Himself known in a way that transcends ordinary human experience. Gill often notes that these manifestations serve not just as divine revelation but as direct encounters with God’s holiness, requiring humility and awe from those who experience them.

Matthew Henry emphasizes that theophanies are meant to “strike awe and reverence into the heart of man.” He sees these events as moments when God graciously accommodates Himself to the weakness of human perception, revealing just enough of His glory to inspire worship without overwhelming the person. Henry’s insights point out that these experiences draw the witness into deeper obedience to God’s will.

Charles Spurgeon speaks of theophanies as a testimony to God’s “intense nearness.” In his sermons, Spurgeon often comments that God doesn’t just reveal Himself in spiritual terms but sometimes in ways that engage our senses, showing that He is both transcendent and immanent—beyond all and yet close to all. Theophanies, he notes, are God’s way of reminding us of His supreme authority and intimate involvement in His creation.

Theophany vs. Vision:

While both theophany and visions involve divine revelation, they occur in distinctly different ways.

Theophany:

A theophany is an actual, physical manifestation of God that can be witnessed by multiple people and takes place in real-time, physical space. Unlike visions, theophanies are not dreams or inner experiences but concrete appearances of God’s presence. For example, when Moses encounters God through the burning bush (Exodus 3:2-6), this is a direct, tangible theophany. God’s presence is evident in the fire that burns but does not consume, signaling His holiness and eternal nature.

John Calvin believed that in theophanies, God condescends to reveal Himself in a form we can perceive, underscoring His incomprehensible nature while still allowing Himself to be known. Calvin notes that the burning bush represents God’s ability to sustain His people amid trials without being consumed by them.

Albert Barnes writes that Moses removing his sandals demonstrates reverence and submission in the presence of God’s holiness. He comments that Moses knew he was standing before the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, making this a profoundly sacred moment that called for awe and respect.

Adam Clarke adds that the fire in the bush symbolizes God’s enduring, refining presence. He sees theophanies as moments of divine invitation, where God calls humanity to witness His glory and respond in obedience.

Vision:

A vision is a supernatural experience or revelation given to an individual, often in a dream-like or altered state. Visions convey divine messages or spiritual truths, but they are not physical manifestations like theophanies. For example, Isaiah’s vision of God in Isaiah 6:1-8 is not a physical encounter but a prophetic experience where Isaiah sees the Lord “high and lifted up” in a spiritual sense. This vision conveys profound theological truths, but it is different from a physical manifestation of God.

Matthew Henry sees visions as a grace from God, allowing individuals to receive spiritual insight and direction. However, Henry distinguishes visions from theophanies by highlighting that visions involve inward, prophetic experience, whereas theophany involves the real, external manifestation of God.

John Wesley interprets visions as spiritual lessons that often reveal deeper truths about God’s plans or purposes. Wesley comments on Isaiah’s vision as a moment where the prophet receives a deep understanding of God’s holiness and his own sinfulness, leading to his commission as a prophet.

Theological Reflections:

John Wesley speaks of theophanies as not just revelations of God’s presence, but of His holiness and majesty. For Wesley, theophanies often contain both a moral demand and a spiritual revelation, calling the people who experience them to greater holiness and commitment.

Charles Spurgeon often preached about the profound reverence required when encountering the presence of God, whether through a theophany or in the everyday Christian life. He encouraged believers to live as if they were continually before the face of God, reflecting the reverence that theophanies demand.

Jonathan Edwards points out that in theophanies, God’s sovereignty and glory are put on full display. Edwards saw these divine manifestations as reminders of human smallness in the presence of God’s greatness, which should inspire reverence and humility in every believer.

Theophanies in Scripture teach us to revere the holy, majestic, and transcendent nature of God. As Voddie Baucham often says, when we lose the sense of God’s majesty, we diminish our worship. Understanding theophanies should reignite a sense of awe and reverence in our hearts, for we are not dealing with a distant or indifferent deity. These powerful encounters remind us that God is holy, and His presence demands our utmost respect and reverence.

Examples:

Some examples of these revelations are:

  • God Appears to Adam and Eve in the Garden (Genesis 3:8-10)
  • God Appears to Abraham (Genesis 18:1-15)
  • The Cloud and Fire on Mount Sinai (Exodus 19:16-20)
  • The Pillar of Cloud and Fire (Exodus 13:21-22)
  • The Angel of the Lord and Balaam’s Donkey (Numbers 22:21-35)
  • God Appears to Joshua as the Commander of the Lord’s Army (Joshua 5:13-15)
  • God Appears to Solomon at the Temple Dedication (2 Chronicles 7:1-3)
  • The Appearance of God to Elijah (1 Kings 19:9-13)
  • The Transfiguration of Jesus (Matthew 17:1-8)
  • The Appearance of the Resurrected Christ to Saul (Acts 9:3-6)

There is so much that can be taken from each of these, and maybe in the future I will do a series on Theophanies, but for now there are three theophanies I want to discuss with you, LORD willing.

The Burning Bush

As we look to the story of Moses and the burning bush, we find one of the most striking moments in Scripture where God breaks into the ordinary and declares His presence in the extraordinary.

The first thing we notice is the fire. Moses saw a bush that was burning, yet it was not consumed. The Greek word used for “burn” in the Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Old Testament) is καίω (kaiō), which means to burn continually. This word is crucial because it doesn’t describe a fire that flares up and dies down; it describes a fire that burns steadily, continuously. This tells us something profound about God.

God’s fire, His presence, is not fleeting. It does not wane or diminish. Charles Spurgeon comments that this continuous fire represents the eternal nature of God’s holiness. God’s presence is a fire, but one that does not rely on anything outside of Himself for sustenance. He is self-sufficient. The fire in the bush wasn’t and it wasn’t fueled by the bush. If there was a way to know at the time, I would bet we would find out that the fire wasn’t consuming oxygen too. This wasn’t a natural fire; this was the supernatural presence of God—a fire that burned continuously and by its own power.

John Calvin expands on this idea, noting that the fire is symbolic of God’s glory and purity, which are constant and unchanging, hence the continuing flames. As I learned to cook over wood, I needed to learn the difference between dry wood and wet wood, fresh wood and old wood. Older wood was less dense and would not burn as long nor create hotter coals. During my learning curve I saw how fires would flame and die at various rates as a result of the fuel source, I.e. the wood. This is not present here. There was a consistent and enduring flame. Calvin says that the bush’s inability to be consumed by the fire points to the fact that God’s purposes, like the bush, are sustained by His will and power, not by external means. The bush was not consumed because God was in control of the fire, and the fire was self-sufficient, just as God is self-sufficient. He doesn’t need anything from us; He is complete in and of Himself. This is a picture of God’s aseity—His complete independence and self-existence.

Matthew Henry draws our attention to the fact that the fire represents God’s sustaining power, particularly toward His people. Just as the bush was not consumed, so too are God’s people sustained in the midst of trial and affliction. The fire burns around us, and we are not consumed. God was with them, burning brightly in the midst of their oppression, and yet they were not destroyed. But just like the Israelites, we focus on the trial and the pain and the suffering, and not the mighty work of God. Tragedy befalls most of us at some point. How wrong it is to try to measure and out-tragic (I just made that word up) others. It is our faith that helps us refocus. I hope when we refocus, we remember the bush and that in the midst of the fire, God was always in control and because of THAT and that alone, the bush was not consumed. The bush did nothing to protect itself, it was a bush just being a bush. It was the authority of God that protected that bush.

Now, why was Moses told to take off his sandals? Adam Clarke and Albert Barnes both point to the cultural and religious significance of this act. In the ancient Near East, removing one’s shoes was a sign of respect, humility, and submission when entering sacred spaces. But beyond cultural practice, this act is deeply symbolic. Remember the definition of Theophany. God is physically here. He is present and interacting with man. The ground was holy because God was there. His presence sanctified the ordinary earth, turning it into holy ground. It doesn’t matter where you have church, every place in which God is present is Holy! By removing his sandals, Moses was acknowledging that he was in the presence of a holy God, and that no human, in his natural state, is worthy to stand before Him.

And this is where reverence comes in. What is reverence? It’s the deep, respectful awe that comes when we truly recognize who God is and who we are in comparison. Matthew Henry comments that reverence is the only proper response to encountering the living God. God didn’t tell Moses to take off his sandals for the sake of ceremony or tradition. He did it because standing in His presence required Moses to recognize that this moment was unlike any other. It required Moses to humble himself and approach with the utmost respect.

The church today has lost much of this reverence. We don’t even call it a sanctuary. Probably because God is no where to be found. In the auditoriums in churches across the planet people bring coffee and food into the sacutary. Its too early, I need to wake up, I need my coffee. We often treat God as common, as someone we can approach on our own terms. We come into worship services without a sense of awe, without trembling in the knowledge that we are entering the presence of the Almighty. We take more time getting dressed up for the big game than they do to go to church. Its amazing what some people wear, including the pastor. The arguments these people come up with to get off the hook of showing reverence. If you go to a church where there is a coffee bar and you are allowed to eat and drink in the holy temple of God, if your pastor takes his divine calling so cavalier as to dress as if he is attending a social gathering instead of delivering the divine word of God to you, the run far and fast. Listen, none of this would be permitted in the temple of old at all, and we serve the very SAME God. God told Moses to take his sandals off, not Mike, not Randy, not Voddie, God!!! Mike, Randy, and Voddie, and all oother humble servants of God are just reminding you of who God is who we are NOT! We live our lives as though God is just another part of our routine, something we think about for an hour on Sunday and then push aside the rest of the week.

Charles Spurgeon warned of the dangers of treating God with irreverence. He spoke about the need for the church to recover its awe of God, saying that “familiarity breeds contempt,” and that we have become so familiar with the idea of God’s love and grace that we’ve forgotten His holiness. Spurgeon noted that when the church loses its sense of reverence, it loses its ability to worship rightly. When we no longer see God as holy, we begin to treat Him as something less than divine.

Voddie Baucham has spoken on this same topic, pointing out that many modern churches have traded reverence for relevance. In our desire to be accessible, to make people feel comfortable, we’ve stripped away the awe that should come when we gather to worship. Worship is not about making us feel good; it’s about recognizing the greatness of the God we serve.

Which is why I take issue with the modern day churches focus on music as “worship” and music leaders as “worship leaders”. Worship is not you being entertained, you dancing and having a good time. Worship is you humbling yourself before a mighty and righteous and all powerful God. We used give testimonies in church praise that mighty God for working so powerfully in our lives. We used to share the change His theophany has brought about in our lives. Now we sing. Oh I am not saying that some are not praising as they sing, but lets be real, it’s a mini rock concert.

And it’s not just in our churches. Many of us, as individuals, are failing to live reverently before God. We go about our lives as if God isn’t watching, as if He isn’t with us. We give Him lip service in song and prayer on Sunday and then ignore His presence throughout the week. But friends, if we truly understood that God is always with us—that His fire is always burning, always present, never consuming us but always sustaining us—how different would our lives be?

Albert Barnes says that reverence means living in a constant awareness of God’s presence, the Theophany of the holy spirit in souls. It means realizing that every action, every thought, every word is done in the sight of the Holy One. We cannot compartmentalize our lives, worshiping God on Sunday and living for ourselves the rest of the week. If we are truly reverent, we will live every moment in awe of His presence, knowing that we stand on holy ground every day of our lives.

So, what does the burning bush teach us? It teaches us that God is holy, that His presence is a consuming fire that does not depend on us for its existence. It teaches us that when we approach God, we must do so with reverence, humility, and awe. It teaches us that God sustains His people, that His fire burns in our lives, not to destroy us, but to purify us, to make us holy as He is holy.

Friends, it’s time for us to take off our sandals. It’s time for us to recognize that we are standing on holy ground, not just in church, but in every moment of our lives. God is with us—His fire is burning, and it is time we respond with the reverence He deserves.

Jesus Christ: The Ultimate Theophany

Throughout the Old Testament, theophanies were often temporary manifestations of God’s presence—moments when God revealed Himself to humanity in fire, smoke, or angelic appearances.

When Jesus Christ, the Son of God, entered the world through the Incarnation, He was the ultimate and final theophany. No longer was God revealing Himself through temporary appearances; He was now dwelling among humanity in the flesh. John 1:14 (KJV) declares, “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.” Jesus wasn’t just a representative of God; He was God, dwelling in human form, fully divine and fully human.

John Calvin emphasizes that the Incarnation is the pinnacle of God’s self-revelation. In Christ, we see the fullness of God. Calvin argues that all previous theophanies were mere shadows pointing to the ultimate revelation of God in Jesus Christ. When we see Christ, we see God. Matthew Henry adds that Jesus was not merely reflecting God’s glory, as Moses did when his face shone after encountering God on Mount Sinai (Exodus 34:29), but Jesus was Himself the source of that glory. In Christ, the invisible God became visible.

This is why the transfiguration of Jesus on the mount (Matthew 17:1-8) is so significant. In that moment, Jesus was transfigured before His disciples, and His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became white as light. This was a revelation of His divine glory, a brief glimpse of the true nature of Jesus as God. Charles Spurgeon calls this theophany a “window into the divine,” a moment when the veil was momentarily lifted to show the disciples that Jesus was not merely a prophet or a teacher, but God Himself in the flesh.

The Shift: From Theophany to Indwelling

But something extraordinary happened after Jesus completed His earthly ministry. After His death, resurrection, and ascension, the nature of God’s presence with His people changed forever. In the Old Testament, theophanies were temporary; God would appear, reveal His presence, and then depart. But Jesus promised something different before He ascended into heaven. He said to His disciples in John 14:16-17 (KJV), “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.”

The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is the final and forever manifestation of God’s presence. Much like the fire in the bush that burned continuously, the Holy Spirit is forever, never faining, always burning. No longer does God appear in fleeting moments; now, He abides in us constantly through His Spirit. John Wesley notes that this shift marks the fulfillment of God’s ultimate desire to dwell with His people, not just around them or near them, but in them. The Holy Spirit, Wesley says, is the “living witness” of God’s ongoing presence, transforming believers from within.

When Jesus ascended, He didn’t leave us to be alone. Instead, He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell in every believer. In Acts 2, during Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended upon the disciples, filling them with His power and presence. This event marks the transition from temporary theophanies to the permanent indwelling of God in the hearts of His people, walking, living, and forever Theophanies.

Living in the Reality of the Indwelling Spirit

Here’s where the connection between the Old Testament theophanies and our current reality becomes so important. In the Old Testament, when God appeared, the people responded with reverence and awe. Moses took off his sandals. Isaiah cried out, “Woe is me!” The people trembled at Mount Sinai. The question we must ask ourselves today is: Are we living with the same reverence and awe for God’s presence that those in the Bible displayed?

Charles Spurgeon strongly warned against the modern tendency to take the indwelling of the Holy Spirit lightly. He argued that because God now dwells in us, our lives must be marked by holiness and reverence. We are not just witnesses to God’s presence; we are bearers of it. Spurgeon believed that the reality of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling should lead Christians to live with a constant awareness that we are standing on holy ground—because the holy God lives within us.

This is why the Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (KJV), “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” Paul’s words here are a reminder that we are now walking theophanies. Just as God appeared in the burning bush, He now dwells in us through His Spirit. And if the ground Moses stood on was holy, how much more so should our very lives be holy, since God dwells within us?

But here is where we see a major problem in the contemporary church and in our individual lives. Many Christians today treat the indwelling of the Holy Spirit with casualness or even neglect. We don’t live with the same awe that Moses, Isaiah, or the disciples showed when they encountered the living God. Voddie Baucham often preaches about the way many churches have traded reverence for entertainment. We have replaced holiness with comfort, and we’ve forgotten that God is not just our companion; He is our holy, righteous, and consuming fire.

When Jesus was on earth, people recognized His holiness and were often moved to reverence or even fear. But today, many Christians act as if God is someone we can set aside until we need Him. Albert Barnes remarks that this is a profound misunderstanding of the indwelling Spirit. We should be living every day in reverence, knowing that we are temples of the Holy Spirit.

My friends, read you Bible, don’t take my word for it. If you do not know Jesus, I invite you to come to the cross today. I invite you to bring all your burdens, your sins, your shame, and lay them at the feet of Jesus. You don’t have to carry the weight of your sin anymore. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV), ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’

Today, I want to invite you to exchange your heavy load for the peace and freedom that Christ offers. This is the moment when you can be reconciled to God, to receive the gift of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.

The Bible gives us a clear path to salvation, and it is called the Romans Road. It walks us through what we need to understand about our sin, the grace of God, and how to receive salvation.

Romans 3:23 (KJV) says, ‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.’ Every one of us is a sinner, separated from God by our sin. None of us can save ourselves.

Romans 6:23 (KJV) reminds us of the consequence of that sin: ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ Sin leads to death, but God offers us the free gift of eternal life in Jesus.

Romans 5:8 (KJV) declares God’s love for us, ‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ Jesus died for you and me while we were still sinners, showing His incredible love and mercy.

Romans 10:9-10 (KJV) gives us the promise of salvation: ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’

If you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God, that He died on the cross for your sins, and that God raised Him from the dead, you can be saved. Right now, wherever you are, you can turn to Jesus. You can confess your sin and receive the gift of salvation.

If you’re ready to make that decision, I want to encourage to cry out to Jesus and pray. I know that for someone who doesn’t pray it may seem uncomfortable, talking to someone who isn’t there. But as we just discuss, the Holy Spirit is real, and is waiting to abide with you. The Holy Spirit is a part of the Trinity, He is God, He is Jesus, and he is right there with you. Talk to him like you would a friend. Confess all your burdens to him like you would your friend. Ask for forgiveness as if you offended your friend. Ask him to stay with you, like you would a friend during troubling time. If you still find it uncomfortable, I invite you to pray with me. This prayer is simply a way to express your faith in Jesus and to ask Him to forgive you of your sins and make you new. Pray these words with me:

‘Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner. I believe that You died for my sins, and that You rose from the dead. I turn from my sin and invite You into my heart and my life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for forgiving me and giving me eternal life. Amen.’

Acts 2:38 (KJV) says, ‘Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.’ Baptism is an outward sign of the inward change that has taken place in your life. It is a public declaration that you have died to your old self and been raised to new life in Christ.

If you do not already have one, I encourage you to find a Bible-believing church where you can grow in your faith, be baptized, and walk in fellowship with other believers. Get into God’s Word, pray daily, and surround yourself with fellow Christians who will help you in your journey. Turning away from sin is hard, you will need as much support as possible. While the angels in heaven rejoice, Satan will be hard at work to rip you away from from God. You are merely a tool as Satan tries to cause God as much pain as possible. We must stand together and be strong and endure to the end.

My Testimony

Hello, my brothers and sisters. I wanted to take a moment to share my testimony with you. Testimonies are powerful stories about what God has done in your life, and when witnessing to others, they bring God to life in a way that allows others to relate. Too many times people think that God has no time for them, that God can’t or won’t use them in some meaningful way. A testimony can break through that web of lies spun by none other than satan (I will never capitalize satan no matter how many times spell check tells me to) himself.

My spiritual journey began as a child, and in many ways, I’m no different from most who are introduced to faith through family. My grandmother was devout in her love for Jesus. She lived her faith so openly that some people even made fun of her.

My paternal grandparents attended a Catholic church, while my maternal grandparents were Methodists.

My maternal grandma, despite the little time we spent together, was a constant witness to me. She was always praying, always reminding me that Jesus loved me and would welcome me whenever I was ready. I still remember my first Bible from the Wesley Methodist Church in Phillipsburg, New Jersey, a hard cover gold Good News Bible with black lettering.

As I grew older, I made more of my own decisions, and much like the rest of the world, most of those decisions led me farther away from Christ, not closer. I know I had an experience with Jesus as a child—I felt like He was truly there with me when my Aunt Mary walked me down the Roman’s Road. We were in her neighbor’s house, and we talked about being born again and that all I needed was the faith that Jesus is the LORD, to repent of my sin, and that He would be the head of my life.

But my teenage years were filled with rebellion, and not just against God, but my parents, the school, the law, and life as a whole. I wasn’t thinking about Jesus; I was busy hurting others, both physically and emotionally, and filling my life with destructive habits. I was so busy hating myself that I had no time to even think about liking anyone else. I was angry. My mother was physically abusive, my dad was never home because he was always chasing a dollar, and at the age of seven, I was sexually molested by a cousin. I wanted to burn the whole world down.

I started drinking at 14 or 15, stopped coming home, and started couch hopping at 16. At 17, I lied on an employment application about my age and started bouncing at a strip club. At 19, I joined the Army and was finally away from home. Little did I know at 19 that I would come to miss home and miss all the relationships I never had with all the classmates I never really got to know.

While the time in the Army opened my eyes to some things, I was still making bad decisions. The drinking got worse, and, at 19, I got married to a girl from Cleveland I knew for only two weeks.

Things were awful after we got out of the Army and moved to Cleveland. I joined a Pentecostal church in Cleveland. I loved it. If there is one thing, Pentecostals have its rules and structure. One day it was time to give my heart to Jesus and be baptized. We prayed, I repented, I got into the baptismal and was baptized and then escorted to the alter where we tarried (a term that means wait for the spirit to come upon you). I continued to pray. I felt the bishop getting closer and closer. This went on for what seemed forever. I stopped praying; they stopped praying. I heard the bishop say that he would see if he could come back to this church again the following week (we met in a rented old storefront and did not have a baptismal of our own). I asked why we would need to do that. I was told because I did not speak in tongues. I have to do that to show that I am saved. I asked, “So you mean to say I am not saved?” He confirmed he meant exactly that. I drove home mad. I was yelling at God. I was screaming at Him about how awful my life was and that in my hour of need He said He would be there and He wasn’t. I begged, and He did not answer. I asked Him if I wasn’t good enough for His grace. I asked what more He wanted from me. I got mad with everyone. So, I said to myself, “You don’t need church. Just read the Bible on your own. See what happens.” That’s what I did. I started with Genesis and read the whole thing through to the end of Revelation. I prayed before each reading. I told God how dedicated I was to figure this out, no matter if He wanted me or not. I went for a long time without a brick-and-mortar church, without brotherly fellowship. The more I tried to please God, the worse things got.

The marriage was not a godly marriage, and it showed. For 18 years, I was a horrible husband. I won’t take all the blame for the divorce, but I will accept most of it. Had I not been so cold, mean, and unhappy, maybe I would not have driven her to find happiness somewhere else. We are all responsible for our own actions, but sometimes our actions put others in situations they would not normally choose to be in.

We had two children at the time of our divorce. If it weren’t for those two kids, I would have eaten the shotgun I stared at when I was alone. Their next visit is what got me through week after week, or so I thought at the time.

I didn’t know it at the time, but God was preparing me. I spent 18 years in juvenile corrections and 7 years working in the field of domestic violence. I was successful at it because I was very familiar with dysfunction.   God put many people in my life who would remind me of the same thing Grandma did. God loves you, Michael, Romans 8:28. Grandma loved that verse.

One day I got a call from a drinking buddy. He said he had something he wanted to tell me. He told me he was giving up the alcohol, the cigarettes, and the sinfulness of his ways and that he was going to answer the call to preach. He told me he had enrolled in college online at Liberty University. He told me so that I knew why he wasn’t going to go to the Eagles club with me anymore. I didn’t enroll with him, but I was happy for him, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about how wonderful that would be for me. 

I had just recently gotten remarried, and on July 4th, 2009, after only a couple weeks of marriage, I tied on a drunk like none other. I didn’t even make it in the house. I swore that I would not let alcohol take another marriage. I stopped drinking on July 5th.

Several years and a couple good stories go by and I am attending a great Free Will Baptist Church. I loved the people, and the preacher, Jim McComas, was an awesome orator. I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit when he preached. Life was getting better. My new wife and I went to the alter and rededicated our lives to God together.

Dates are fuzzy but somewhere in these years, my buddy became a pastor at a small church in Massillon Ohio. I was still going to the one by our home, but I would go there and visit from time to time. Then I was there every other week.

On February 24, 2013, I was driving home with the kids in the car from a Sunday service in Massillon. I remember looking at my daughter and thinking, I need to quit smoking. It is killing me, it’s killing them, and how does it look—all this God stuff with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth? I threw all the cigarettes away. For the next four weeks, I smoked five cigarettes. I remember where I was when I looked at that fifth one and was like, “What are you doing?”. It’s been weeks since you quit; you really don’t need or want this. I threw that cigarette in the ash tray, walked away, and never smoked again.

From there I became a youth Sunday school teacher, adult Sunday school teacher, videographer, treasurer, and now evangelist of my own online ministry I went back to school and got a business degree and working on my masters in online ministries from Regent University, the rival to Liberty.

Looking back, I see that God has led me through an education like no other, or at least that’s how it feels. I know my life was not the worse in all of human history. Nevertheless, I feel called to evangelistic work, to reach those who, like me, have walked hard roads. There’s wisdom gained from struggle. We hardly think of it while in the fire, but the forging we are going through produces a witness that is hard to break.

I am here to tell you that if you think God can’t or won’t use you, you’re wrong. I’d love to challenge the Apostle Paul, who claimed to be the chief sinner. I think that title belongs to me. I was a terrible son, brother, friend, husband, dad, and overall man. I hurt people emotionally and physically. I lied, cheated, stole, and have broken all ten commandments. I hated people and myself with vengeance. And yet, in my darkest moment, when I thought I had nothing left to live for, God never let me forget about those two kids. God sent me friends who said, “Why don’t you come to church with me?” He gave me a job that required study and dedication. He showed me how to teach myself and put a fire in my soul that only His Holy Word could satisfy. I am not perfect, and no Christian is, but I know that my God is real, and he works miracles. I know because I am one of them. I am no saint, and yet, because of Him, I am a saint indeed. He is a chain breaker and a healer. He is my God, and all I want in the whole world is to hear Him say, when all is done and I face my judgement day, “Well done, Michael, well done, thy good and faithful servant.”