Thursday, September 24, 2026
Bible Verse/Passage: Colossians 3:18–19, 18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Verse Context:
Colossians 3:18–19 comes near the end of a chapter in which Paul moves from explaining the believer’s new life in Christ to showing what that new life should look like in everyday relationships. Earlier in the chapter, Paul commands believers to put away sinful behaviors such as anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and filthy communication. He then tells them what should replace those things:
Colossians 3:12–14 (KJV)
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
When Paul reaches marriage in verses 18–19, he has already described the character that should govern a Christian household. Anger, wrath, and malice are to be put away. Mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, and love are to be put on. Husbands and wives cannot separate verse 19 from the Christian character Paul has spent the chapter describing. Then Paul addresses the wife:
Colossians 3:18 (KJV)
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
The word translated “submit” is from the Greek hypotassō (ὑποτάσσω, pronounced hoo-pot-AS-so). It carries the idea of placing oneself under an ordered authority or arrangement. Paul does not erase the distinction between husband and wife. There is an order within biblical marriage, and Scripture does teach a wife’s submission to her own husband.
However, Paul adds an essential qualification: “as it is fit in the Lord.” The wife’s relationship with her husband exists within her greater relationship with Christ. Paul does not say, “Submit because your husband is lord.” He says that her conduct must be that which is fitting “in the Lord.” Her husband remains a man under the authority of Jesus Christ. Then Paul turns directly to the husband:
Colossians 3:19 (KJV)
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
The command “love” comes from agapaō (ἀγαπάω, pronounced ag-ah-PAH-oh), the verb associated with agapē love. This is not merely romantic attraction or affection. It describes a love expressed through deliberate concern for another person’s good. Paul does not tell the husband merely to possess authority over his wife. He commands him to love her.
Then comes the phrase particularly important to today’s study: “and be not bitter against them.” The Greek verb is pikrainō (πικραίνω, pronounced pik-RYE-no). It is connected with the idea of bitterness and can carry the sense of becoming bitter or embittered. In this verse, Paul prohibits the husband from allowing his relationship with his wife to become characterized by such bitterness toward her. Notice how direct the command is. Paul does not say, “Love your wife when she submits properly.” He does not make the husband’s obedience conditional upon the wife’s performance. “Husbands, love your wives” is God’s command to the husband. “Wives, submit yourselves” is God’s command to the wife. Each spouse is accountable to the Lord for his or her own obedience. This becomes particularly important when biblical headship is invoked to excuse mistreatment. Colossians 3:18 cannot honestly be used while Colossians 3:19 is discarded. The same inspired passage that speaks to the wife’s submission speaks immediately to the husband’s conduct toward her.
The surrounding verses reinforce this principle of accountable authority. Paul next addresses children and fathers:
Colossians 3:20–21 (KJV)
20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Again, Paul recognizes authority, but he also places moral obligations upon the person exercising it. A father possesses genuine parental authority, yet that authority does not permit him to treat his children however he pleases. God commands him concerning how he exercises that authority. That pattern helps us understand verses 18–19. Biblical order is not permission for sinful behavior. A husband’s position in marriage does not place him beyond God’s commandments. Quite the opposite: he remains accountable to the Lord for what he does with the responsibility God has given him. That is the immediate force of today’s passage. Paul does not attack the biblical order of marriage. He establishes obligations within it. The wife is commanded concerning her conduct toward her husband, and the husband is commanded concerning his conduct toward his wife. Therefore, a husband cannot take a biblical teaching concerning his wife’s submission and turn it into permission for his own sin. Headship is never a license to harm because the head himself remains under the authority of Christ.
Broader Context
Colossians 3:18–19 gives us a concise command concerning the relationship between a husband and wife, but Scripture gives us much more information about what God intends marriage, leadership, submission, and love to look like. When these passages are considered together, an important distinction becomes clear: the Bible teaches male headship, but it never gives a husband permission to use that headship as justification for cruelty, intimidation, violence, degradation, or abuse. A husband receives his role from God, which means he is also accountable to God for how he fulfills it. We see the foundation for marriage before sin ever enters the world.
Genesis 2:21–24 (KJV)
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Notice what God created. He did not create two enemies struggling for power, nor did He establish marriage as a relationship in which either spouse is free to mistreat the other. God established a union in which the two become “one flesh.” That makes abuse within marriage particularly contrary to God’s design. When a husband deliberately harms his wife, he harms the woman with whom God has joined him in a one-flesh relationship. Likewise, when a wife deliberately harms her husband, she sins against the man with whom God has joined her in that same one-flesh relationship. Abuse may take different forms and may be perpetrated by either spouse. Neither biblical headship nor biblical submission gives either husband or wife permission to sin against the other. The New Testament does not eliminate order within that relationship. Paul plainly teaches male headship.
1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
This verse is important because we should not respond to the abuse of biblical headship by denying biblical headship. Scripture says what it says. “The head of the woman is the man.” But notice that Paul does not stop there. “The head of every man is Christ.” That means the husband is not the highest authority in the relationship. Christ is. A Christian husband cannot rightly say, “I am the head, therefore I can treat my wife however I choose.” His own headship exists beneath the authority of Jesus Christ. Whatever authority God gives a husband must therefore be exercised in obedience to the One who stands above him. Peter makes the husband’s accountability even more explicit.
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
There is tremendous depth in this single verse. Peter commands the husband to “dwell with them according to knowledge.” The Greek word translated “knowledge” is gnōsis (γνῶσις, pronounced GNO-sis). The husband is not instructed to treat his wife thoughtlessly. His relationship with her requires understanding and consideration.
Then Peter commands him to give “honour unto the wife.” The Greek word translated “honour” is timē (τιμή, pronounced tee-MAY), carrying the sense of honor, value, or preciousness. Whatever else someone may claim about biblical marriage, a pattern of degrading, humiliating, terrorizing, or deliberately harming a wife is incompatible with a command to give her honor.
Peter then describes husband and wife as “heirs together of the grace of life.” Biblical headship does not mean that the husband possesses greater worth before God. The Christian wife stands beside her husband as a recipient of God’s grace.
Then Peter gives a warning that should make every Christian husband pay attention: “that your prayers be not hindered.”
God cares so much about the husband’s treatment of his wife that Peter connects the man’s conduct toward her with his own fellowship with God. A man cannot mistreat his wife throughout the week and then assume that his spiritual life remains untouched because he prays, reads his Bible, attends church, or professes biblical headship. God sees what happens inside the home.
Jesus gives us an even deeper principle concerning authority itself. The world often understands authority as power over another person. Christ taught His disciples that leadership among His followers must look radically different.
Mark 10:42–45 (KJV)
42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.
43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister:
44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Jesus was speaking to His disciples about greatness and leadership, not specifically establishing a marriage instruction. We should be careful not to pretend the passage says something it does not. Nevertheless, the principle Christ establishes about authority among His followers is directly relevant. Christian leadership cannot be modeled after sinful domination. Jesus contrasts godly leadership with those who “exercise lordship” over others. The Greek verb behind that expression is katakyrieuō (κατακυριεύω, pronounced kat-ah-koo-ree-YOO-oh). It describes exercising mastery or dominion over someone. Then Jesus says plainly: “But so shall it not be among you.” Christ possesses more legitimate authority than any husband who has ever lived, yet He describes His own exercise of leadership in terms of service and sacrifice: “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister.” This is why claiming biblical authority cannot transform sinful behavior into righteous behavior. Authority never makes sin holy. Scripture is equally clear about violence and cruelty.
Psalm 11:5 (KJV)
5 The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.
There is no marital exception attached to that statement. God does not condemn violence everywhere except behind the closed doors of a Christian home. Nor does a marriage license transform violence into biblical discipline.
The same principle applies to threatening and intimidating behavior. Paul describes what should characterize the believer who has put on the new man:
Colossians 3:8–10 (KJV)
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:
This brings us directly back to today’s passage. A husband cannot defend anger, wrath, malice, cruelty, or violence by appealing to a verse about his wife’s submission when the same Word of God commands him to put away anger, wrath, and malice.
Nor does Scripture permit us to redefine submission as permission to participate in sin. The apostles demonstrated the governing principle when human authority demanded disobedience to God.
Acts 5:29 (KJV)
29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.
Again, Acts 5 is not a marriage passage. It concerns the apostles responding to governing religious authorities. But the principle is unmistakable: no human authority outranks God. Husband, pastor, employer, parent, or government, every legitimate human authority remains beneath divine authority. That matters enormously when Scripture is misused in abusive relationships. “Submit” cannot mean, “Help me sin.” It cannot mean, “Accept whatever I do because I am your husband.” It cannot turn wickedness into righteousness simply because the person committing it occupies a position of authority. And Scripture gives us one more safeguard against such a distortion: love itself has a biblical definition.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (KJV)
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
This gives us a biblical test for anyone claiming that abusive behavior is somehow an exercise of Christian love or headship. Love “is kind.” Love “doth not behave itself unseemly.” Love “seeketh not her own.” Love “is not easily provoked.” Love “rejoiceth not in iniquity.” Therefore, we do not have to choose between condemning domestic abuse and believing in biblical male headship. Scripture requires us to do both. The husband is called to lead, but he leads beneath Christ. The wife is called to biblical submission, but her husband does not become her god. The husband is commanded to love rather than become bitter, to give honor rather than humiliation, and to recognize his wife as an heir together with him of the grace of life. A man who uses Scripture to justify abusing his wife has not discovered a stronger form of biblical headship. He has taken something God ordained and twisted it into permission for behavior God condemns. Jesus does not authorize that kind of headship. He stands in judgment over it.
Application
For the Believer
Colossians 3:18–19 forces the Christian to examine marriage through the authority of Christ rather than through culture, tradition, pride, or personal preference. For the Christian husband, this passage should cause serious self-examination. Biblical headship is not a privilege to be demanded while ignoring the responsibilities God attaches to it. A man cannot insist that his wife obey Scripture while excusing himself from Scripture. If he demands submission while treating his wife with bitterness, intimidation, humiliation, cruelty, threats, manipulation, or violence, the problem is not that he believes too strongly in biblical headship. The problem is that he is disobeying the God who gave him that responsibility. A Christian man should therefore ask himself difficult questions. Does my wife feel safe speaking honestly to me? When she disagrees with me, do I listen, or do I use my position to silence her? Do I control through fear? Do I belittle her? Do I threaten her? Do I use money, Scripture, sex, the children, or my position in the church as weapons against her? When I am angry, does my family fear what I might do next? Those questions matter because Christianity is not something a man performs publicly while behaving entirely differently behind closed doors.
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
That final warning should arrest the attention of every Christian husband: “that your prayers be not hindered.” A man cannot compartmentalize his relationship with God from his treatment of his wife. God sees both.
But Christian wives must also examine themselves. Submission does not make a wife incapable of being abusive. A woman can wound her husband through contempt, manipulation, threats, humiliation, violence, coercion, relentless verbal attacks, or deliberate efforts to control him. Being under biblical headship does not excuse sinful conduct toward the person exercising that headship. God’s commands concerning Christian character apply to both husband and wife.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (KJV)
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
There is no exemption here for husbands or wives. “All bitterness, and wrath, and anger” are to be put away. There is also an application for the believer who is being abused. Scripture should never be used to convince a victim that enduring violence, threats, coercion, or serious mistreatment without seeking help is somehow evidence of greater faithfulness to God. Biblical submission is never submission to sin. No husband or wife possesses authority greater than God’s.
If you are being abused, telling someone is not betraying your marriage. Seeking safety is not the same thing as rejecting God’s design for marriage. Asking your pastor, trusted Christian leadership, family, counselors, law enforcement, or other appropriate authorities for help is not automatically rebellion against your spouse. When there is immediate danger, safety must come first. And the church must hear this application as well. Christians should never become accomplices to abuse by misusing Scripture. Telling an endangered person simply to “submit more,” “pray harder,” or “go home and be a better spouse” without seriously addressing the abuse can compound the harm. We must uphold God’s design for marriage and confront sin within marriage. Those commitments do not contradict one another.
For the Unbeliever
Perhaps you are reading this and thinking that Christianity itself is part of the problem. Maybe you have watched someone quote Scripture while controlling, humiliating, threatening, or hurting a spouse. Perhaps Scripture was even used against you. If so, understand what today’s passage actually says. The Bible does teach an ordered relationship within marriage. We should not hide that teaching simply because modern culture may dislike it. But neither should anyone pretend that Scripture gives husbands permission to abuse their wives. It does not. The very passage that commands the wife also commands the husband. More importantly, Christianity ultimately points us beyond husbands and wives to Jesus Christ. Look at how Jesus describes Himself:
Matthew 11:28–30 (KJV)
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Jesus possesses absolute authority, yet He is “meek and lowly in heart.” That alone exposes the contradiction of someone claiming Christ while using supposed authority as justification for cruelty.
But there is another truth you need to hear. Christianity does not merely teach people how to have healthier marriages. Our deepest problem is sin, and that problem exists in every one of us.
Romans 3:23 (KJV)
23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Abusers need salvation. Victims need salvation. Husbands need salvation. Wives need salvation. Pastors need salvation. You need salvation, and so do I. And God provided that salvation through His Son.
Romans 5:8 (KJV)
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
If someone has used Christianity as a weapon against you, do not confuse that person’s sinful misuse of Scripture with Jesus Christ Himself. Judge Christ by Christ. Read what He said. Look at how He treated people. Look at the cross. And if you are the one committing abuse, Christianity does not offer you religious language with which to excuse yourself. Christ calls sinners to repentance. You do not need a better justification for your behavior. You need to acknowledge your sin, turn from it, accept accountability, and surrender yourself to Jesus Christ.
Acts 3:19 (KJV)
19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;
Whether you have been wounded by someone else or you are beginning to recognize the damage you have caused, Jesus Christ calls you to Himself.
Biblical Christianity does not teach that power makes a person righteous.
It teaches that every one of us must bow before the One who is.
Final Encouragement
For the Believer
Christian marriage should be one of the places where the character of Christ is most clearly seen. Husbands, lead with strength that protects rather than harms, and with authority that serves rather than intimidates. Wives, honor God’s design for marriage while remembering that you, too, are responsible for treating your husband with love, dignity, and grace. If your marriage has become unhealthy, do not surrender hope. Sin can be confronted, help can be sought, repentance can be real, and through Christ lives and relationships can change.
A Call to Action for the Believer
Be courageous enough to act. If you recognize abusive behavior in yourself, stop defending it, confess it, seek accountability, and get help. If you are being abused, do not suffer silently because someone convinced you that silence is what God requires. Reach out to someone trustworthy and seek safety and help. And church, become the place where hurting people know they can come without fear of being dismissed, shamed, or sent back into danger. We can defend biblical marriage while fiercely opposing the abuse of anyone within it.
For the Unbeliever
Perhaps people have failed you, a spouse has wounded you, or someone claiming to represent God has given you reasons to distrust Christianity. Do not let the failures of sinful people keep you from meeting Jesus Christ. He is not the cruelty committed in His name. If you have been hurt, there is hope beyond what has happened to you. If you have been the one doing the hurting, there is still an opportunity to repent and become different. Come to Christ as you are, but come willing to surrender. He can forgive what you have done, redeem what sin has damaged, and give you a new beginning.
Our Prayer for You
Heavenly Father, we pray today for every husband and wife who reads these words. Strengthen marriages that are honoring You, heal those that are hurting, and bring truth into homes where sin has been hidden behind closed doors. Give courage to those who are afraid, wisdom to those who do not know what to do next, and trustworthy people to those who desperately need someone to help them.
Lord, confront those who are causing harm. Break through pride, excuses, anger, bitterness, and the misuse of Your Word. Bring genuine repentance where repentance is needed, and give those who have sinned the courage to admit what they have done and seek real change.
Protect those who are being abused. Give them courage to speak, wisdom to seek help, and strength to move toward safety. Give our pastors, churches, families, and communities the discernment to recognize abuse and the courage to respond with truth, compassion, and action.
Above all, draw every heart toward Jesus Christ. May our homes reflect His love, our leadership reflect His character, and our relationships bring honor to Your name. For those who do not yet know Christ, open their hearts to the salvation, forgiveness, and new life found only in Him.
In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, Amen.
Closing
If you’ve found these daily verses encouraging, enlightening, or fruitful, please consider helping us spread the truth and light of God’s Word by subscribing to the blog and YouTube channels and liking and following the Facebook page. Most of all, share Believers of Biblical Truth and our links with others who may need the sermons and daily teachings just as much as we do.
You are loved, so much in fact, that we want you to know and be Believers of Biblical Truth.
Shalom Shalom.
