Tag: Male Headship

TODAY’S DAILY BIBLE VERSE: Headship Is Never a License to Harm

Thursday, September 24, 2026

Bible Verse/Passage: Colossians 3:18–19, 18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Verse Context:

Colossians 3:18–19 comes near the end of a chapter in which Paul moves from explaining the believer’s new life in Christ to showing what that new life should look like in everyday relationships. Earlier in the chapter, Paul commands believers to put away sinful behaviors such as anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, and filthy communication. He then tells them what should replace those things:

Colossians 3:12–14 (KJV)
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

When Paul reaches marriage in verses 18–19, he has already described the character that should govern a Christian household. Anger, wrath, and malice are to be put away. Mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, and love are to be put on. Husbands and wives cannot separate verse 19 from the Christian character Paul has spent the chapter describing. Then Paul addresses the wife:

Colossians 3:18 (KJV)
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

The word translated “submit” is from the Greek hypotassō (ὑποτάσσω, pronounced hoo-pot-AS-so). It carries the idea of placing oneself under an ordered authority or arrangement. Paul does not erase the distinction between husband and wife. There is an order within biblical marriage, and Scripture does teach a wife’s submission to her own husband.


However, Paul adds an essential qualification: “as it is fit in the Lord.” The wife’s relationship with her husband exists within her greater relationship with Christ. Paul does not say, “Submit because your husband is lord.” He says that her conduct must be that which is fitting “in the Lord.” Her husband remains a man under the authority of Jesus Christ. Then Paul turns directly to the husband:

Colossians 3:19 (KJV)
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

The command “love” comes from agapaō (ἀγαπάω, pronounced ag-ah-PAH-oh), the verb associated with agapē love. This is not merely romantic attraction or affection. It describes a love expressed through deliberate concern for another person’s good. Paul does not tell the husband merely to possess authority over his wife. He commands him to love her.

Then comes the phrase particularly important to today’s study: “and be not bitter against them.” The Greek verb is pikrainō (πικραίνω, pronounced pik-RYE-no). It is connected with the idea of bitterness and can carry the sense of becoming bitter or embittered. In this verse, Paul prohibits the husband from allowing his relationship with his wife to become characterized by such bitterness toward her. Notice how direct the command is. Paul does not say, “Love your wife when she submits properly.” He does not make the husband’s obedience conditional upon the wife’s performance. “Husbands, love your wives” is God’s command to the husband. “Wives, submit yourselves” is God’s command to the wife. Each spouse is accountable to the Lord for his or her own obedience. This becomes particularly important when biblical headship is invoked to excuse mistreatment. Colossians 3:18 cannot honestly be used while Colossians 3:19 is discarded. The same inspired passage that speaks to the wife’s submission speaks immediately to the husband’s conduct toward her.

The surrounding verses reinforce this principle of accountable authority. Paul next addresses children and fathers:

Colossians 3:20–21 (KJV)
20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Again, Paul recognizes authority, but he also places moral obligations upon the person exercising it. A father possesses genuine parental authority, yet that authority does not permit him to treat his children however he pleases. God commands him concerning how he exercises that authority. That pattern helps us understand verses 18–19. Biblical order is not permission for sinful behavior. A husband’s position in marriage does not place him beyond God’s commandments. Quite the opposite: he remains accountable to the Lord for what he does with the responsibility God has given him. That is the immediate force of today’s passage. Paul does not attack the biblical order of marriage. He establishes obligations within it. The wife is commanded concerning her conduct toward her husband, and the husband is commanded concerning his conduct toward his wife. Therefore, a husband cannot take a biblical teaching concerning his wife’s submission and turn it into permission for his own sin. Headship is never a license to harm because the head himself remains under the authority of Christ.

Broader Context

Colossians 3:18–19 gives us a concise command concerning the relationship between a husband and wife, but Scripture gives us much more information about what God intends marriage, leadership, submission, and love to look like. When these passages are considered together, an important distinction becomes clear: the Bible teaches male headship, but it never gives a husband permission to use that headship as justification for cruelty, intimidation, violence, degradation, or abuse. A husband receives his role from God, which means he is also accountable to God for how he fulfills it. We see the foundation for marriage before sin ever enters the world.

Genesis 2:21–24 (KJV)
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Notice what God created. He did not create two enemies struggling for power, nor did He establish marriage as a relationship in which either spouse is free to mistreat the other. God established a union in which the two become “one flesh.” That makes abuse within marriage particularly contrary to God’s design. When a husband deliberately harms his wife, he harms the woman with whom God has joined him in a one-flesh relationship. Likewise, when a wife deliberately harms her husband, she sins against the man with whom God has joined her in that same one-flesh relationship. Abuse may take different forms and may be perpetrated by either spouse. Neither biblical headship nor biblical submission gives either husband or wife permission to sin against the other. The New Testament does not eliminate order within that relationship. Paul plainly teaches male headship.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

This verse is important because we should not respond to the abuse of biblical headship by denying biblical headship. Scripture says what it says. “The head of the woman is the man.” But notice that Paul does not stop there. “The head of every man is Christ.” That means the husband is not the highest authority in the relationship. Christ is. A Christian husband cannot rightly say, “I am the head, therefore I can treat my wife however I choose.” His own headship exists beneath the authority of Jesus Christ. Whatever authority God gives a husband must therefore be exercised in obedience to the One who stands above him. Peter makes the husband’s accountability even more explicit.

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

There is tremendous depth in this single verse. Peter commands the husband to “dwell with them according to knowledge.” The Greek word translated “knowledge” is gnōsis (γνῶσις, pronounced GNO-sis). The husband is not instructed to treat his wife thoughtlessly. His relationship with her requires understanding and consideration.

Then Peter commands him to give “honour unto the wife.” The Greek word translated “honour” is timē (τιμή, pronounced tee-MAY), carrying the sense of honor, value, or preciousness. Whatever else someone may claim about biblical marriage, a pattern of degrading, humiliating, terrorizing, or deliberately harming a wife is incompatible with a command to give her honor.

Peter then describes husband and wife as “heirs together of the grace of life.” Biblical headship does not mean that the husband possesses greater worth before God. The Christian wife stands beside her husband as a recipient of God’s grace.
Then Peter gives a warning that should make every Christian husband pay attention: “that your prayers be not hindered.”
God cares so much about the husband’s treatment of his wife that Peter connects the man’s conduct toward her with his own fellowship with God. A man cannot mistreat his wife throughout the week and then assume that his spiritual life remains untouched because he prays, reads his Bible, attends church, or professes biblical headship. God sees what happens inside the home.

Jesus gives us an even deeper principle concerning authority itself. The world often understands authority as power over another person. Christ taught His disciples that leadership among His followers must look radically different.


Mark 10:42–45 (KJV)
42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.
43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister:
44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Jesus was speaking to His disciples about greatness and leadership, not specifically establishing a marriage instruction. We should be careful not to pretend the passage says something it does not. Nevertheless, the principle Christ establishes about authority among His followers is directly relevant. Christian leadership cannot be modeled after sinful domination. Jesus contrasts godly leadership with those who “exercise lordship” over others. The Greek verb behind that expression is katakyrieuō (κατακυριεύω, pronounced kat-ah-koo-ree-YOO-oh). It describes exercising mastery or dominion over someone. Then Jesus says plainly: “But so shall it not be among you.” Christ possesses more legitimate authority than any husband who has ever lived, yet He describes His own exercise of leadership in terms of service and sacrifice: “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister.” This is why claiming biblical authority cannot transform sinful behavior into righteous behavior. Authority never makes sin holy. Scripture is equally clear about violence and cruelty.

Psalm 11:5 (KJV)
5 The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.

There is no marital exception attached to that statement. God does not condemn violence everywhere except behind the closed doors of a Christian home. Nor does a marriage license transform violence into biblical discipline.

The same principle applies to threatening and intimidating behavior. Paul describes what should characterize the believer who has put on the new man:

Colossians 3:8–10 (KJV)
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

This brings us directly back to today’s passage. A husband cannot defend anger, wrath, malice, cruelty, or violence by appealing to a verse about his wife’s submission when the same Word of God commands him to put away anger, wrath, and malice.

Nor does Scripture permit us to redefine submission as permission to participate in sin. The apostles demonstrated the governing principle when human authority demanded disobedience to God.

Acts 5:29 (KJV)
29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

Again, Acts 5 is not a marriage passage. It concerns the apostles responding to governing religious authorities. But the principle is unmistakable: no human authority outranks God. Husband, pastor, employer, parent, or government, every legitimate human authority remains beneath divine authority. That matters enormously when Scripture is misused in abusive relationships. “Submit” cannot mean, “Help me sin.” It cannot mean, “Accept whatever I do because I am your husband.” It cannot turn wickedness into righteousness simply because the person committing it occupies a position of authority. And Scripture gives us one more safeguard against such a distortion: love itself has a biblical definition.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (KJV)
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

This gives us a biblical test for anyone claiming that abusive behavior is somehow an exercise of Christian love or headship. Love “is kind.” Love “doth not behave itself unseemly.” Love “seeketh not her own.” Love “is not easily provoked.” Love “rejoiceth not in iniquity.” Therefore, we do not have to choose between condemning domestic abuse and believing in biblical male headship. Scripture requires us to do both. The husband is called to lead, but he leads beneath Christ. The wife is called to biblical submission, but her husband does not become her god. The husband is commanded to love rather than become bitter, to give honor rather than humiliation, and to recognize his wife as an heir together with him of the grace of life. A man who uses Scripture to justify abusing his wife has not discovered a stronger form of biblical headship. He has taken something God ordained and twisted it into permission for behavior God condemns. Jesus does not authorize that kind of headship. He stands in judgment over it.

Application

For the Believer

Colossians 3:18–19 forces the Christian to examine marriage through the authority of Christ rather than through culture, tradition, pride, or personal preference. For the Christian husband, this passage should cause serious self-examination. Biblical headship is not a privilege to be demanded while ignoring the responsibilities God attaches to it. A man cannot insist that his wife obey Scripture while excusing himself from Scripture. If he demands submission while treating his wife with bitterness, intimidation, humiliation, cruelty, threats, manipulation, or violence, the problem is not that he believes too strongly in biblical headship. The problem is that he is disobeying the God who gave him that responsibility. A Christian man should therefore ask himself difficult questions. Does my wife feel safe speaking honestly to me? When she disagrees with me, do I listen, or do I use my position to silence her? Do I control through fear? Do I belittle her? Do I threaten her? Do I use money, Scripture, sex, the children, or my position in the church as weapons against her? When I am angry, does my family fear what I might do next? Those questions matter because Christianity is not something a man performs publicly while behaving entirely differently behind closed doors.

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

That final warning should arrest the attention of every Christian husband: “that your prayers be not hindered.” A man cannot compartmentalize his relationship with God from his treatment of his wife. God sees both.


But Christian wives must also examine themselves. Submission does not make a wife incapable of being abusive. A woman can wound her husband through contempt, manipulation, threats, humiliation, violence, coercion, relentless verbal attacks, or deliberate efforts to control him. Being under biblical headship does not excuse sinful conduct toward the person exercising that headship. God’s commands concerning Christian character apply to both husband and wife.

Ephesians 4:31–32 (KJV)
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

There is no exemption here for husbands or wives. “All bitterness, and wrath, and anger” are to be put away. There is also an application for the believer who is being abused. Scripture should never be used to convince a victim that enduring violence, threats, coercion, or serious mistreatment without seeking help is somehow evidence of greater faithfulness to God. Biblical submission is never submission to sin. No husband or wife possesses authority greater than God’s.

If you are being abused, telling someone is not betraying your marriage. Seeking safety is not the same thing as rejecting God’s design for marriage. Asking your pastor, trusted Christian leadership, family, counselors, law enforcement, or other appropriate authorities for help is not automatically rebellion against your spouse. When there is immediate danger, safety must come first. And the church must hear this application as well. Christians should never become accomplices to abuse by misusing Scripture. Telling an endangered person simply to “submit more,” “pray harder,” or “go home and be a better spouse” without seriously addressing the abuse can compound the harm. We must uphold God’s design for marriage and confront sin within marriage. Those commitments do not contradict one another.

For the Unbeliever

Perhaps you are reading this and thinking that Christianity itself is part of the problem. Maybe you have watched someone quote Scripture while controlling, humiliating, threatening, or hurting a spouse. Perhaps Scripture was even used against you. If so, understand what today’s passage actually says. The Bible does teach an ordered relationship within marriage. We should not hide that teaching simply because modern culture may dislike it. But neither should anyone pretend that Scripture gives husbands permission to abuse their wives. It does not. The very passage that commands the wife also commands the husband. More importantly, Christianity ultimately points us beyond husbands and wives to Jesus Christ. Look at how Jesus describes Himself:

Matthew 11:28–30 (KJV)
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Jesus possesses absolute authority, yet He is “meek and lowly in heart.” That alone exposes the contradiction of someone claiming Christ while using supposed authority as justification for cruelty.

But there is another truth you need to hear. Christianity does not merely teach people how to have healthier marriages. Our deepest problem is sin, and that problem exists in every one of us.

Romans 3:23 (KJV)
23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Abusers need salvation. Victims need salvation. Husbands need salvation. Wives need salvation. Pastors need salvation. You need salvation, and so do I. And God provided that salvation through His Son.

Romans 5:8 (KJV)
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

If someone has used Christianity as a weapon against you, do not confuse that person’s sinful misuse of Scripture with Jesus Christ Himself. Judge Christ by Christ. Read what He said. Look at how He treated people. Look at the cross. And if you are the one committing abuse, Christianity does not offer you religious language with which to excuse yourself. Christ calls sinners to repentance. You do not need a better justification for your behavior. You need to acknowledge your sin, turn from it, accept accountability, and surrender yourself to Jesus Christ.

Acts 3:19 (KJV)
19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

Whether you have been wounded by someone else or you are beginning to recognize the damage you have caused, Jesus Christ calls you to Himself.
Biblical Christianity does not teach that power makes a person righteous.
It teaches that every one of us must bow before the One who is.

Final Encouragement

For the Believer

Christian marriage should be one of the places where the character of Christ is most clearly seen. Husbands, lead with strength that protects rather than harms, and with authority that serves rather than intimidates. Wives, honor God’s design for marriage while remembering that you, too, are responsible for treating your husband with love, dignity, and grace. If your marriage has become unhealthy, do not surrender hope. Sin can be confronted, help can be sought, repentance can be real, and through Christ lives and relationships can change.

A Call to Action for the Believer

Be courageous enough to act. If you recognize abusive behavior in yourself, stop defending it, confess it, seek accountability, and get help. If you are being abused, do not suffer silently because someone convinced you that silence is what God requires. Reach out to someone trustworthy and seek safety and help. And church, become the place where hurting people know they can come without fear of being dismissed, shamed, or sent back into danger. We can defend biblical marriage while fiercely opposing the abuse of anyone within it.

For the Unbeliever

Perhaps people have failed you, a spouse has wounded you, or someone claiming to represent God has given you reasons to distrust Christianity. Do not let the failures of sinful people keep you from meeting Jesus Christ. He is not the cruelty committed in His name. If you have been hurt, there is hope beyond what has happened to you. If you have been the one doing the hurting, there is still an opportunity to repent and become different. Come to Christ as you are, but come willing to surrender. He can forgive what you have done, redeem what sin has damaged, and give you a new beginning.

Our Prayer for You

Heavenly Father, we pray today for every husband and wife who reads these words. Strengthen marriages that are honoring You, heal those that are hurting, and bring truth into homes where sin has been hidden behind closed doors. Give courage to those who are afraid, wisdom to those who do not know what to do next, and trustworthy people to those who desperately need someone to help them.
Lord, confront those who are causing harm. Break through pride, excuses, anger, bitterness, and the misuse of Your Word. Bring genuine repentance where repentance is needed, and give those who have sinned the courage to admit what they have done and seek real change.

Protect those who are being abused. Give them courage to speak, wisdom to seek help, and strength to move toward safety. Give our pastors, churches, families, and communities the discernment to recognize abuse and the courage to respond with truth, compassion, and action.

Above all, draw every heart toward Jesus Christ. May our homes reflect His love, our leadership reflect His character, and our relationships bring honor to Your name. For those who do not yet know Christ, open their hearts to the salvation, forgiveness, and new life found only in Him.

In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, Amen.

Closing

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Shalom Shalom.

TODAY’S DAILY BIBLE VERSE: A Husband’s Headship: Loving His Wife as Christ Loved the Church Ephesians 5:22–25

Monday, September 21, 2026

 Ephesians 5:22–25: 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Verse Context

Verse Context
The Apostle Paul is speaking directly to Christian husbands and wives about the order God established within marriage. These verses do not stand alone as an isolated command for wives to submit. Paul places the responsibility of the wife and the responsibility of the husband beside one another, and both are placed within a relationship that is compared to Christ and His Church.
Paul first addresses the wife. She is told to submit herself unto “your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The instruction is specifically concerning the relationship between a wife and her own husband. Paul then explains why: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” Therefore, this passage does teach an order within Christian marriage. The husband is identified as the head, and the wife is instructed to be subject unto her husband.
However, Paul does not stop after establishing the husband’s headship. In verse 25, he turns directly to the husband and establishes the standard by which that headship must operate:

Ephesians 5:25:“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

This is crucial to understanding the passage. Paul does not tell the husband merely that he is the head and then leave him free to determine what headship looks like. The husband’s model is Jesus Christ Himself.


Christ’s relationship with His Church therefore becomes the standard against which a Christian husband’s treatment of his wife must be examined. Jesus did not use His authority for selfish gratification. He did not exploit those under His authority. He did not establish His headship through intimidation, cruelty, humiliation, or violence. Instead, Paul directs the husband toward the sacrificial nature of Christ’s love: “and gave himself for it.”


That changes the way biblical male headship must be understood. Headship is not permission for a husband to exercise unlimited power and control over his wife. It places an enormous responsibility upon him. The man identified as the head is simultaneously commanded to pattern his treatment of his wife after the One who sacrificed Himself for those He loved.


Likewise, the wife’s command to submit cannot be separated from the husband’s command to love. A husband cannot faithfully emphasize verses 22 through 24 while ignoring verse 25. He cannot demand that his wife fulfill the responsibility God gave her while refusing to fulfill the responsibility God gave him.


This becomes especially important when Scripture is discussed in connection with domestic abuse. Nothing within Ephesians 5:22–25 gives a husband biblical permission to physically harm his wife, threaten her, terrorize her, humiliate her, degrade her, sexually coerce her, or use his position as head of the home as a means of controlling her through fear.


The standard given to the husband is not another abusive husband. It is not the culture around him. It is not his father, his pastor, or his personal understanding of what a man should be.


His standard is Jesus Christ.


Therefore, before a Christian husband uses this passage to ask whether his wife is properly submitting to him, he must also be willing to place himself beneath the examination of the very same passage and ask:
Am I loving my wife as Christ loved the Church?


That is the question with which biblical male headship must begin.

Broader Context

To understand the weight of Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:22–25, we need to step outside the immediate verses and look at the world in which the Ephesian believers lived. Ephesus was part of the Roman Empire, and the first-century Greco-Roman household was strongly hierarchical. Ancient discussions of household order commonly dealt with three relationships: husband and wife, parent and child, and master and slave. Paul addresses those same three relationships beginning in Ephesians 5 and continuing into Ephesians 6. Historical scholarship therefore commonly describes this portion of Ephesians as a Christian “household code.”

That historical setting matters. Paul was writing to people living in a society where the male head of a household ordinarily possessed substantial social and legal authority. We should therefore be careful about imagining that Paul’s original readers lived in a society resembling a modern American marriage. They did not. The Roman world was highly stratified, and submission to those occupying positions of authority was an ordinary feature of social and household life.

But Paul does something important with that existing household structure: he places the Christian household under the authority of Jesus Christ. The husband may be the head of the wife, but the husband himself is not the highest authority. He remains accountable to God.

We can see this larger principle elsewhere in the same section of Ephesians. When Paul eventually addresses masters—another group possessing considerable household authority in the Roman world—he reminds them that earthly authority does not make them supreme.

Ephesians 6:9 (KJV) “And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.”

This verse is not specifically a marriage command, and we should not pretend that it is. However, it reveals an important principle within Paul’s larger household teaching: possessing earthly authority does not remove a Christian from God’s authority. The person who has authority is himself under authority.

That principle is essential when discussing biblical male headship. A husband does not become the ultimate authority simply because Scripture identifies him as the head of his wife. His headship exists beneath the lordship of Jesus Christ.

Paul establishes that larger order explicitly elsewhere.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV): “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

Notice that the man does not stand at the top of that order. Scripture identifies the man as the head of the woman, but it immediately identifies Christ as “the head of every man.” Therefore, biblical male headship carries accountability. A husband cannot legitimately appeal to the authority God has placed beneath him while disregarding the authority God has placed above him.

This becomes especially important when we return to the command that husbands love their wives. Paul gives a similar command to the church at Colosse.

Colossians 3:18–19 (KJV): “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

Once again, Scripture presents both responsibilities. The wife is instructed to submit to her husband, but the husband is simultaneously commanded to love his wife and “be not bitter against” her.

The language of headship, therefore, cannot honestly be isolated from the Bible’s commands concerning the husband’s behavior toward the woman he leads.

Peter goes even further by connecting the husband’s treatment of his wife with his own relationship with God.

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV): “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

This is significant. Scripture does not describe the wife as someone whom the husband is free to demean because he occupies the position of headship. Peter commands the husband to give his wife honour. He also warns the husband that his conduct toward his wife can have spiritual consequences: his prayers can be hindered.

That provides an important biblical safeguard against turning headship into domination. The wife has responsibilities before God. The husband has responsibilities before God. And neither spouse’s responsibility cancels the other’s.

The broader biblical picture also shows that marriage did not originate in Roman culture or with Paul. Paul is applying something much older. Marriage goes back to creation itself.

Genesis 2:23–24 (KJV): “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The wife is not presented as a disposable possession. She is joined to her husband so intimately that Scripture describes the two as “one flesh.”

Jesus Christ Himself later reaffirmed that creation ordinance.

Matthew 19:4–6 (KJV): “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

This brings us back to why Paul’s instructions to husbands are so significant. The woman a husband is commanded to love is not merely someone living under his authority. According to God’s design for marriage, she has become one flesh with him.

Paul develops precisely that point later in Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5:28–29 (KJV): “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”

Here the biblical picture becomes even clearer. The husband’s responsibility toward his wife is described with the words “nourisheth” and “cherisheth.” His headship does not release him from tenderness, care, protection, honour, or sacrificial love. Those qualities are part of understanding what Scripture expects from him.

This is where the historical background and the larger biblical context meet.

Paul was writing within a culture already familiar with male household authority. He did not need to invent the concept of a male household head for his first-century readers. What distinguishes his Christian instruction is the standard under which that man must now live: Jesus Christ. The husband is commanded to love sacrificially, to regard his wife as his own flesh, to nourish and cherish her, and elsewhere Scripture commands him to give her honour and not be bitter against her.

That makes it very difficult to reconcile biblical male headship with domestic abuse. A man may claim authority. He may call himself the head of his household. He may demand submission. But Scripture does not permit us to evaluate biblical headship merely by asking whether the husband occupies the position of head. We must also ask whether he is behaving according to the responsibilities God attached to that position. The biblical husband is himself a man under authority—the authority of Jesus Christ. And the Christ whom he is commanded to imitate gave Himself for the Church rather than using the Church for Himself.

Application

Appreciating God’s Greatness

God’s greatness can be seen in the wisdom of His design for marriage. God did not establish marriage without providing direction for how a husband and wife should treat one another. He created an order within marriage, but He did not design that order so that one person could selfishly use, mistreat, intimidate, or abuse the other. Instead, God placed the husband under an extraordinary standard: Jesus Christ Himself.

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV): “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

Consider the greatness of that design. God could have simply commanded husbands to be good to their wives. Instead, He gave them the greatest example of sacrificial love the world has ever known. The husband is commanded to look at Jesus Christ and learn from Him how to love the woman God has joined to him.

God also demonstrates His wisdom by describing husband and wife as one flesh.

Genesis 2:24 (KJV): “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

God designed marriage so that a husband cannot rightly view his wife’s welfare as separate from his own. Her well-being matters. Her safety matters. Her dignity matters. Her spiritual well-being matters. God’s design calls the husband to recognize that the woman beside him is joined to him in a relationship established by God.

That truth is repeated in Paul’s teaching.

Ephesians 5:28–29 (KJV): “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”

God does not command the husband to dominate what has become one flesh with him. He commands him to nourish and cherish his wife. God’s greatness is revealed in a design in which authority carries responsibility, headship carries accountability, and love is measured against the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ.

For the Believer

For the Christian husband, this passage requires honest self-examination. It is easy to ask whether a wife is submitting properly. It is much harder for a husband to stand before God and ask whether he is loving properly. Scripture gives the husband no permission to emphasize his wife’s responsibility while minimizing his own. His responsibility is not merely to provide an income, make decisions, or identify himself as the spiritual head of his home. He is commanded to love his wife according to the example of Jesus Christ.

That means the Christian husband must examine not only what he does, but how he treats his wife while doing it. Scripture is direct:

Colossians 3:19 (KJV): “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

Bitterness, contempt, humiliation, intimidation, threats, excessive control, and violence cannot simply be renamed “headship.” Calling sinful behavior biblical leadership does not make it biblical. The Christian husband is also commanded to honour his wife.

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV): “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

A man should notice the seriousness of those final words. God cares so deeply about how a husband treats his wife that Peter warns husbands that their conduct toward their wives can affect their own prayer lives.

The Christian wife also needs to understand what Scripture actually says. Biblical submission is real, and Ephesians 5 does teach the headship of the husband. But submission does not make sinful behavior righteous. A husband’s position does not transform cruelty into leadership, intimidation into authority, or violence into discipline. Every Christian remains ultimately accountable to God.

Acts 5:29 (KJV): “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”

No human authority replaces God’s authority. Marriage does not place either spouse beyond God’s commands. Therefore, Christian marriage should never become a struggle over who possesses the most power. Husband and wife should desire a marriage in which God’s order is respected and God’s character is reflected. The husband should lead with the understanding that he will answer to Christ for how he exercises that responsibility, and the wife should be able to recognize in her husband’s leadership the love, care, sacrifice, and faithfulness Scripture requires of him.

A Call to Action for the Believer

Christian husbands, examine yourselves honestly. Do not begin by examining your wife. Begin with yourself. Ask whether your words nourish or wound. Ask whether your behavior produces security or fear. Ask whether you listen to your wife or merely issue decisions. Ask whether you honour her opinions even when you disagree. Ask whether you use Scripture to lead your family toward Christ or as a weapon for getting your own way. Most importantly, compare your behavior with the standard God actually gave you.

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV): “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

If your treatment of your wife includes intimidation, humiliation, manipulation, threats, coercion, physical violence, or other abusive behavior, do not defend it by appealing to headship. Repent of it. Scripture tells believers what genuine repentance should produce.

Matthew 3:8 (KJV): “Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:”

Repentance is more than saying that you are sorry after an abusive incident and then repeating the same behavior. Genuine repentance should produce change.

For the Christian wife who is being abused, do not confuse another person’s sinful behavior with God’s will for your life. Being commanded to submit to your husband does not mean that God commands you to pretend evil is good or to hide serious wrongdoing so that an abuser can continue harming you.

And for every believer reading this, do not use Scripture to excuse what Scripture condemns. If you have used biblical headship to justify selfishness, repent. If you have encouraged an abused person to remain silent simply because she is a wife, reconsider whether you have confused submission with permission to sin against her. Bring your understanding of marriage back underneath the complete teaching of God’s Word.

For the Unbeliever

Perhaps you do not consider yourself a Christian, but you have seen marriages in which someone claimed Christianity while behaving in ways that were controlling, degrading, frightening, or abusive. Do not confuse someone’s misuse of the Bible with what the Bible actually teaches. The Jesus Christ presented in Scripture does not provide an example of selfish power. He provides an example of sacrificial love.

Romans 5:8 (KJV): “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

That is the Christ Christian husbands are commanded to imitate.

But His sacrificial love reaches far beyond marriage. Jesus Christ did not merely provide Christians with an example of how to treat other people. He gave Himself for sinners. The Gospel begins with the reality that every one of us has sinned.

Romans 3:23 (KJV): “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;”

Yet God did not leave mankind without hope.

John 3:16 (KJV): “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

The same sacrificial love we have examined in this study points directly toward the cross. Jesus Christ gave Himself so that sinners could be forgiven and reconciled to God. If you do not yet know Christ, do not stop with what the Bible teaches about marriage. Continue reading. Continue asking questions. Look carefully at the Jesus Christ whom Scripture reveals. The greatest truth in this lesson is not simply that a husband should love his wife. It is that Jesus Christ loved us enough to give Himself for us.

Final Encouragement

There is great joy in a marriage where both husband and wife seek to honor God and follow His Word. No marriage will be perfect, but every day provides another opportunity to love better, forgive more freely, grow closer to Christ, and walk together toward the finish line. Husband and wife, keep pressing forward, keep encouraging one another, and keep Christ at the center of your home. If you have fallen short, repent, get back up, and continue toward the foot of the cross. And if you do not yet know Jesus Christ as your Saviour, keep seeking Him, keep reading His Word, and keep moving toward the One who loved you enough to give Himself for you. There is hope, forgiveness, restoration, and everlasting life in Jesus Christ.

Our Prayer for You

Heavenly Father, we come before You acknowledging that marriage was Your beautiful creation from the very beginning, yet we confess that we have often taken what You designed for love, companionship, faithfulness, and godly order and twisted it through our sin into something selfish, broken, painful, and sometimes even violent. Forgive us, Lord, for the ways we have dishonored marriage, misused Your Word, distorted the roles You gave husbands and wives, and used what You intended for good to hurt one another. We ask You to place Your mighty hand upon marriages today. Restore what sin has broken, soften hardened hearts, heal those who have been wounded, and teach husbands and wives again to love and honor one another according to Your Word. As someone reads these words today or even years from now, may Your Holy Spirit speak directly to that heart. Where there is sin, bring repentance; where there is hurt, bring healing; where there is bitterness, bring forgiveness; and where a marriage seems beyond hope, remind them that nothing is beyond Your reach. Bring husbands and wives closer to You and, in drawing closer to You, draw them closer to one another. May our homes once again reflect the beauty You intended when You first declared that the two should become one flesh. In the precious name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Closing

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Shalom Shalom.

Leadership… a concept many believe they are great at. There are so many authors, so many experts who have made it their life’s mission to tell us all how to be a better leader. Did you know that the best self-help book to great leadership is the bible itself? I know many people think that the bible is all about sin and hell and rules and laws. But the Bible is loaded with principles. Yes, sometimes God comes right out and says, “Thou shall not kill.” Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me, right? But what about the principles in messages? Principles like character and integrity and honesty are at the core of God centered leadership.

 

There are many characters in the bible who God places and uses in positions of leadership. The first point of interest I would like to share is that all are human, and all but Jesus himself were sinners, and they all made mammoth mistakes. For now, I want to look at just one prophet who was an excellent leader. I want to look at the leadership qualities of Micah. Let’s put ourselves side by side with him and let’s bring in the mirror.

 

The first thing that is amazing to me, something that just rings loudly in my ear is that Micah was a poor man. He was considered a commoner, a peasant. He was not like Isaiah, who counseled kings; he was just a common ole country boy. I am a commoner, a peasant. I have nothing of great value, except for the Holy Spirit in me. I, in my flesh am not different than Micah. But Micah valued people. He had a love for mankind. Even though Micah spoke of the consequences for Samaria and Jerusalem, his heart broke for the people. Just understanding this little piece of background should already make you acutely aware of how God will use the small and the mighty to accomplish His mission. Isn’t also funny that most ‘great’ leaders have the love of people in common? To say the least, ‘great’ leaders at minimum understand and invest in the value of people. I think of General Patton. I think it may be a stretch to say he ‘loved’ people. However, he understood the value of well trained and well equipped soldiers. He understood moral and in the hardest of battles he was able to motivate them to give all they had. Micah loved people. He understood the disobedience and the need for God’s wrath, but his heart hurt for them.

 

In the first chapter we see Micah declaring God’s witness against the disobedient. We also see Micah’s mourning and grief for the people. Right now I am thinking of that old saying, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Micah’s prophecy was not a kind one. But then he cries out for the people. As a leader, the people are the most valuable asset. I believe God looks at His children and loves them everyone. Each of us, no matter our differences, is loved by God to an unmeasurable degree. Equally and completely loved the child is to his Father.

 

Micah 1: 2 Hear, all ye people; hearken, O earth, and all that therein is: and let the Lord God be witness against you, the Lord from his holy temple. 3 For, behold, the Lord cometh forth out of his place, and will come down, and tread upon the high places of the earth. 4 And the mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft, as wax before the fire, and as the waters that are poured down a steep place. 5 For the transgression of Jacob is all this, and for the sins of the house of Israel. What is the transgression of Jacob? is it not Samaria? and what are the high places of Judah? are they not Jerusalem? 6 Therefore I will make Samaria as an heap of the field, and as plantings of a vineyard: and I will pour down the stones thereof into the valley, and I will discover the foundations thereof.

Micah 1: 8 Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls.

In the second chapter we see characteristics of bad leadership. We see that the leaders of Micah’s time were selfish, greedy, lovers of self, and had not affection and respect for a human. They took things that were not theirs just because they could, like land and homes. A good leader cannot be selfish. At work, there is a goal. A leader must get the team to the goal, or to accomplish the goal. A leader must also grow the employee as the drive toward the goal. A leader must be a teacher, sharing wisdom and information. Dare I say there is a difference in teaching someone what they need to know so the goal is met, and teaching someone what they need to know so they have that information all their life. A student can feel and hear the teacher’s desire to grow them in a lesson just as loudly as they can hear and feel the teacher’s cold delivery of words just to get it done. At home the man is ordained as the leader. The husband is the accountable and responsible party. We should never lead selfishly, using our family to labor toward our goal. That is not leadership, its manipulation. We should lead wanting our children to be better than us. Moving them and our wife more toward God than to us. We are not the power, we are not the authority. This is God who ordains, it is God who has power and authority. We are a servant to His power. We are to grow the family towards God.

 

Micah 2: Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand. 2 And they covet fields, and take them by violence; and houses, and take them away: so they oppress a man and his house, even a man and his heritage. 3 Therefore thus saith the Lord; Behold, against this family do I devise an evil, from which ye shall not remove your necks; neither shall ye go haughtily: for this time is evil.

 

In the third chapter we see that the leaders of Micah’s time were abusive, and that God rebuked them. When they prayed to God, he did not hear them. I think the coming of Christ brought a greater understanding of God’s love, and how we are to love one another to this world, but I don’t think it changed how God’s wrath will handle sin. I don’t think God hears an abusive leader to this very day. I continue to believe that God’s wrath is no different in concentration and strength. I think sin angers God. To this day I think that many people profess to know and love Jesus, yet fail to understand that living in sin is not acceptable. We sin daily, but the spirit convicts us. We know of our errors and the wrath of God frightens us to our knees and we beg for forgiveness. I know people who claim the blood of Jesus and live no differently than those in the world thinking that the confession is all there is. Jesus loves me and I love him. Love is all there is to it. NO!!!!!! Love, when you have it right, motivates you to do the right things, to live in submission to Christ. Love does not permit you to grieve the spirit, to abuse the temple, to live in immoral conduct. We saw this here where the leaders abused the people, being evil in their daily lives, and still expecting the comforts of God.

 

Micah 3: And I said, Hear, I pray you, O heads of Jacob, and ye princes of the house of Israel; Is it not for you to know judgment? 2 Who hate the good, and love the evil; who pluck off their skin from off them, and their flesh from off their bones; 3 Who also eat the flesh of my people, and flay their skin from off them; and they break their bones, and chop them in pieces, as for the pot, and as flesh within the caldron. 4 Then shall they cry unto the Lord, but he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time, as they have behaved themselves ill in their doings. 5 Thus saith the Lord concerning the prophets that make my people err, that bite with their teeth, and cry, Peace; and he that putteth not into their mouths, they even prepare war against him. 6 Therefore night shall be unto you, that ye shall not have a vision; and it shall be dark unto you, that ye shall not divine; and the sun shall go down over the prophets, and the day shall be dark over them. 7 Then shall the seers be ashamed, and the diviners confounded: yea, they shall all cover their lips; for there is no answer of God. 8 But truly I am full of power by the spirit of the Lord, and of judgment, and of might, to declare unto Jacob his transgression, and to Israel his sin.

 

Fast forward to chapter 6. I love verse 8. Understanding that we are all leaders, let us lead according to these principles so that our leadership finds favor in the sight of almighty God. Let us let at work, in the world, and in our homes looking to be just in all that we do, desiring from the depth of our minds to love one another and to be merciful with each other, and to be humble in our words and actions so to always have God at the head of all that we do.

 

Micah 6:8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

 

The final chapter of Micah, chapter 7 ends with the comfort a leader has when his leader is the LORD of all leaders. It starts with the reminders that man will fail you. Your own family will disappoint you. Your best friends will ask for gifts and seek bribes. We are instructed to have no confidence in man. Sure our daily tasks required us to have expectations in others. I think this is talking more along the lines of faith. We have expectations, me may even trust that our workers, our friends, our family will do what they need to, what they promised to but in God we put our faith of redemption in God. We pray God will protect us, and lead us. God does what no man can do because God is the divine leader who loves his people, who is the designer of morality and character, and the supplier of all mercy.

 

Micah 7: 5 Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. 6 For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house. 7 Therefore I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. 8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me.

 

Micah was just in his prophecy in that he did not allow his love for people to sway his calling. But because he loved people, he was in the best position to lead by reminding the people that God will deliver Israel. God will fulfill his promises. Micah could do that because he humbly removed himself and allowed himself to be led by God.

 

So, as I look in my mirror, Micah teaches me to ask, am I just? Am I being fair or not? Do I fully understand all sides and am I making a well informed decision? Am I making sure that my people know I care about them, and not just about the mission? Do my people want to work for me? Are they motivated to want to be successful? Am I leading them to me, or to God? These questions are great questions for the employer, supervisor, manager, and even teammate. They are equally great questions for the husband, wife, dad, mom, older sibling, and even the youngest of them all.

 

If you stand in the mirror what will the reflection tell you about yourself, and what are you going to do about it? May the peace of God be abundantly heaped upon you and your house, straight from the cross to the Christian!